Family Matters

Well world, it has been a LOOOOOONG time since the last time I posted on here and made the false promise to make sure I posted more regularly! I could make every excuse under the sun to convince you (read: myself) why I have been MIA and not followed through on my commitment. But, the long and short of it is that life got BUSY, I was running 50 different directions and quite frankly, AWAY from the computer was one of them once I finally had a moment or two of work-free time.

I went back to work last February when Master C turned one! I had done it once before as the working mama of one, so it would be a piece of cake right? Yeah....not so much. With daycare costing a small fortune, I worked out a work-from-home, part-time arrangement and planned to fill the rest of my time with the 16 weddings and other photography jobs that came up...all the while sending the kids to daycare just three days a week! It sounded in theory like a GREAT plan! And it was...until things got BUSY in July. Suddenly I felt like I was running a race and every time I got to the homestretch and I could see the finish line, I would blink and suddenly the finish line was out of sight and I had another 25 km to go. My workdays turned into work nights, and my five-day work week turned into a seven-day work week. I literally could have worked 24 hours a day, seven days a week and not gotten ahead. Those that know me know that I am a PERFECTIONIST to a fault. So for me, the worst of it was that I found myself rushing to get tasks done on time and never feeling like I was completing anything up to my standard. It took longer to get photos back to clients, my normally clever and/or witty headlines/taglines were exceptionally lame, I was stockpiling little things that I should've done right away for a day when I "had more time," and the absolute worst was that I felt like a TERRIBLE mom and wife. To say I was overwhelmed, overextended and filled with mommy guilt would be the understatement of the year.

I loved my job, I loved my photography work, I loved my volunteer work, but I was missing out on precious time with my family...ironic since I worked from home and sent my kids to daycare only part-time. I wasn't doing crafts or baking cookies with them, we weren't going for fun outings like I imagined we would on non-daycare days...I was THAT mom that was frazzled all.the.time. and plunked the kids in front of the tube in hopes of getting stuff done. Crafts consisted of handing Miss M a stack of paper and her crayons and telling her to "make a picture to hang in mommy's office"...and don't even get me started on the agonizing feeling I had when Carm would set off on a fun adventure to the local fair or somewhere with the kidlets, and I had to work...and then would have it rubbed in my face (usually unintentionally) later.

I was a shitty mom and wife.

Was I actually? No. My family was healthy, they were well-fed and had clean clothes on their backs...you know...all the essential stuff. But I still FELT like a shitty mom and wife. We had to make some changes and fast!

After a lot of tears, we decided I needed to cut down on my workload. Thank you baby Jesus for Jack Rabbit Post Production to whom I outsourced some of my editing work...they are amazing and a major lifesaver! I now do specific contract work for my other job and made a decision to only take on half the number of weddings for this year. I missed out on SOO much with my family last year.  I'm not talking about the big adventures and extra stuff...I'm talking about the everyday life stuff. That wasn't going to happen again... I needed to work to live and not live to work.

Now, given the cutback on work, that also meant a cutback on funds. We needed the money though!

This leads me to the next part of my journey over the last year. We NEEDED money. I have expensive taste. Ask anyone. If I walk into a store, I ALWAYS pick out the most expensive item without even knowing it. Winners? I don't have time to shop for a bargain, or sort through sale racks to find a gem. And the health food store? I could own shares! These are certainly not terrible qualities, but when your bank account says otherwise, it's definitely not great! So really, we needed money if we (read: I) wanted to keep up the lifestyle we liked. Carm was perfectly happy to eat potatoes and carrots, but this health nut was NOT giving up fresh fruit and veggies, or God forbid, her probiotics, vitamins and other well-researched (read: expensive) products.

If you asked me a year ago if I would ever work for a network marketing company, I would have laughed in your face. Actually LAUGHED in your face. *Cue the pyramid scheme comments* There was no way in hell that I was going to be one of THOSE people. I would happily buy Pampered Chef stuff all the time, or go to someone's Tupperware party, but become a consultant...I don't think so! That was until I met my ball coach, Mel and got hooked on Arbonne products!

As I mentioned before, I am SUPER particular with stuff I buy and cost was often not a deterrent. I tried out and bought some skincare products from Mel. I LOVED them! Mel conned me into hosting a show at my house (read: she asked and I said yes with little to no convincing required)...free stuff? Seriously discounted prices on products I was going to buy anyways? Heck yes!! After the show, a friend of mine was interested in becoming a consultant. As I sat there listening to Mel talk about it, what she was saying really started to resonate with me...discounted product, great money, fabulous trips, only $95 to start up, but most importantly, time with my family and for myself...why WOULDN'T I consider that?

I signed up on the spot. Smartest decision ever! My hard work is starting to pay off, but more importantly, it has done amazing things for my self-confidence, my attitude, it has made me start to dream big and really take time to enjoy life again. It sounds super cheesey, but it is absolutely true. I can fit it [Arbonne] into my life, feel good knowing that I am helping people choose safe products for their families and still take time to spend with my family without feeling like something else is more important. Nothing is more important to me than spending time with my family...I'm just sorry it took me so long to figure that out and make changes.

Mel asked me once in the beginning, "if you keep doing what you're doing, where will you be in five years?" I don't remember what line I fed her, but to be perfectly honest, whether I said it out loud or not, the answer was not a good one. At that moment in time, our finances sucked, our marriage was strained, I felt like a shitty mom, there was no end in sight to the work on my plate...when I looked ahead five years, I saw the same financial situation, the hubs and I would still be unhappy, the kids looking for my attention, I would still be working crazy hours to no avail...that was not the life I had envisioned for myself or our family. Not at all.

Today when I look ahead five years, I see a MUCH different picture. I see a happy marriage and kids that feel and know they are loved by both their parents. I can see myself being at every sporting event, music recital, cattle show, whatever my kids participate in, cheering them on from the stands. I can see us not having to worry about money. Being able to take a holiday. I will be loving my photography and volunteer work again. In five years, I can see a happy life like the one I have envisioned my whole life. I am in no way saying that magically because I became an Arbonne consultant we are rolling in cash and jetsetting all over. Definitely not. But, I can SEE now that with lots of hard work and SMART work, in five years our life COULD look like that picture. And I mean hard work in lots of areas...my photography life, my personal life, my mom life, my volunteer life, my money life, my Arbonne life, etc.

Do I owe this change in outlook to Arbonne? Again, at the risk of sounding cheesey, yes I do. But not so much the company... it is the people. We are all in search of the same things in life and everyone has been super supportive and encouraging. Our whole team has made me realize that I am the only one who can make positive changes in my life. If I have a goal, everyone is on the sidelines cheering me on as I kill that homestretch and actually CROSS that finish line rather than watch it disappear around the next bend.

I NEVER thought I would say this, but I am SOOO grateful that the Arbonne opportunity found me. It came at the right time when I needed it the most, and I am so blessed to have all of these new and wonderful people in my life and to finally feel like life is going in the right direction.

This post was quite the novel and for that I apologize...I just sat down to write and it just kept coming...I guess that happens after almost two years! I also realize that this post lacks the usual wit and maddie-isms that are staples in my blogs, but I had to get this sappy cheesefest out of the way...so as Callum would say, "I DID it!!!"

From now on, back to the tales of the life and times of being a mama to my babies, wife to the hubs and all things awesome about being a modern country mama!

I promise...for real this time!

My beautiful family!

Amen!

Got Milk?

After having my breastfeeding blog post was published by Oh Baby! Magazine, I have had a few inquiries as to how things are going with #2, so I thought I would take a few minutes to update.


So...how are things going with Master C...well...I'm disappointed to report that I was not one of the fortunate mamas whose second time was easier than the first. In fact, this time around was worse....that's right, WAS.

C arrived a couple weeks early and with a fever, so he was sent to the special care nursery for a precautionary round of anti-biotics. For those that don't know, a newborn that gets anti-biotics receives them via IV. Because he was on an IV, he had to hang out in the incubator hooked up to all kinds of monitors for the first 48 hours...this meant we could look but not hold and he wasn't hungry because of the IV. 


Since I wanted to nurse him, my midwife had the nurses set me up with the pump (nicely referred to as The Show Pump by Carm) and they syringe fed him a bit until he was ok to come out of his little hut to nurse. This brought about the first hurdle or Boobie Trap, if you will...


Boobie Trap # 1 = Too Small Pump Pflanges


Ummmm ouch!! After two pumping sessions that were rather uncomfortable, I thought I should double check with our midwife that everything was as it should be....turns out it wasn't! Word to the wise ladies...Medela pumps all come with the same size pflanges (24 mm) because apparently this is the size that fits MOST ta-tas...if you're like me and not "typical" you may need a smaller or, in my case, a larger size. My advice to anyone planning to "Power Pump"...get fitted properly. After two 15 minute sessions, I was fortunate to have not done significant damage, but I had a couple pretty decent "hicky-esque" war wounds that were a little tender. Once I had the proper fitting (they had to hunt them down for me since they don't stock many 27 mm since EVERYONE (but me apparently) fits a 24 mm), I was back on track.


So on with the story...when C was two days old, I was excited be able to hold him in the morning and by the afternoon, with the help of the nursery nurse, I was able to nurse him. Now I don't know if it was that I was just SOOO excited and relieved to FINALLY be holding him and cuddling him, but I remember thinking as I nursed him for the first time that this was already WAY better than with Miss M. This guy latched right on and seemed to know what he was doing....nothing hurt...it was great!

Fast Forward Two Days...

Boobie Trap #2 = Overfilling Quota (a.k.a. Milk Oversupply!)

That's right...milk...a lot of it....too much of it! Poor little Master C was drowning. The letdown would choke the poor little dude, then he would be full before one side was empty. So, what does this equal? 1 gassy little dude and 1 uncomfortable mama. Not cool...I tried a couple things to calm the supply down which did help a little bit...the most effective was the incredibly attractive "cabbage bra"...Eau de Slaw anyone? Yuck...but it did help.

While he was struggling to keep up with me though, C developed the next issue...

Boobie Trap #3 = Lazy Latch


Because he didn't have to work to get milk (pretty much he just had to open his mouth and swallow), he developed a lazy latch. This coupled with the apparent "high arch" in his mouth led to VERY sore boobs (from the poor latch), a sore jaw (from clenching my teeth), a grumpy baby (from constantly being latched and re-latched trying to correct it + still being drowned) and one VERY grumpy mommy (you don't say!). We saw our midwife and two different lactation consultants trying to get things sorted. Everything we tried would work initially, and then within a day or so regression would occur....stupid "high arch"!! Apparently with a high arch, even when latched on correctly, he could still pull his tongue back (which he did) and snap away...ouchie! There was one saving grace that I discovered that helped more than anything...APNO (All Purpose Nipple Ointment)...Wonderful Stuff! With the help of APNO, I was able to get a couple more weeks in before the next issue...


Boobie Trap #4 = Thrush


Yep! With Miss M it was mastitis and this time around Thrush...are you freaking kidding me?! SOOOOOO not cool....and again, ouchie! C's lips and my ta-tas were a lovely shade of purple for about a week to clear up that. Ugh! 


So after 7 weeks (yeah all of this happened in 7 weeks), I made the decision that I couldn't for my sanity carry on as I was. Since I was determined to make sure C got breastmilk exclusively for as long as possible, I got myself a big double electric pump and set to work as a Power Pumper...


Boobie Trap #5 = Milking yourself multiple times a day SUCKS!


I can now officially TOTALLY relate to the cows in the barn. I started out pumping as often as he ate...but since I had a fantastic supply (this cow would NOT have been culled from the herd!) I was able to cut down to 4x/day and still pump well over 40oz a day. That got old quickly as well, so I then cut down to 3x/day....still pumping close to 40 oz. Last week, I cut back to 2x/day and was still able to keep ahead for a few days, but the supply started to slow down...so I had two options...bring it back up, or let it taper off. With a solid freezer stash as a motivating factor, I decided I was DONE. You would think that pumping wouldn't be that bad, and at first it wasn't...it was better than enduring pain all the time! But after two months of literally milking myself several times a day...I was done. I AM done.


I have been dealing with some mommy guilt...I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little sad. Sad that I had another crappy nursing experience. Sad that I felt "done" after only a month and a half of nursing and 2 months of exclusively pumping. I really wanted it to work this time around... I was able to reach my goal of 6 months with M, so I sort of felt like I was letting C down by not making it as long with him. But, on the other hand, I LOVE snuggling with him while I give him his bottle (we are SO much happier than when we were nursing) and I was fortunate enough to be able to freeze so much extra while I was pumping that I am still able to give him some breastmilk everyday for quite awhile, so I am slowly becoming ok with the decision.


So that's the scoop...Do I wish it had turned out differently and that I was still nursing him exclusively? Sure. But it didn't work out for me. So I did what I could (lactation consultants, power pumping, etc) to ensure that C got as much of the good stuff as possible and I am proud of how long I did stick it out. For those who have never pumped exclusively....it's a lot of work....not to mention a constant reminder that you aren't nursing him the way you would like....so I found it to be a little draining, literally and figuratively. Some may say round #2 was an epic fail. I say it was a pass...a solid E for Effort! I am a much happier mama with one very happy and healthy little dude that's growing like a weed.

On a lighter note and on the topic of guilt....one thing I do NOT feel guilty about is bribery...when it comes to potty training that is!! We are currently in the process of potty training Miss M and we reward her with Smarties. Well, for two days now I have been a Smartie Vending Machine!!! Woot!! Go Maddie! With any luck we will soon have only one kid in diapers!

Until next time my lovelies!